tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will be naked everywhere
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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