she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
