I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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