she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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