woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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