I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
