I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
