we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
