we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
