I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
