when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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