Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
