I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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