Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
