He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
