After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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