my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
