Pappa wants mamma naked
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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