My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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