Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
