I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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