All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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