I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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