I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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