All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
