Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
