dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
