There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
