i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
