Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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