Don't you send me to vm
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
