I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize