I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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