the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
