I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
