hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
