Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
