Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she told me i tasted like america
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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