you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
