You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
