btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
two words...techno handjob
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
