No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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