Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
