We won't sleep together?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
