goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
