I'm gonna have a badass scar
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
