i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will be naked everywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize