just tell him i said nine months
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
