There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
