I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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