i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize