matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The power of my boobs compel you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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