I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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