I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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