every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
