I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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