why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sext me about skeletons
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize