just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my poor anus
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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