Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
