thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just had sex on a roof
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
