You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
