I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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