u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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