I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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