Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
