I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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