big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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