What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
