people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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