Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
