how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How external is "for external use only"?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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