They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
