My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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