There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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