yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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