Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
