Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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