i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
