You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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