moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
