I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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