You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
