The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
