you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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