I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
