I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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