Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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