the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize