Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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