Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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