I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
