Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
