she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
