things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
