Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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